Finding Perspective

Each and every day I am reminded in all kinds of ways to be thankful for the man I married a little over three years ago. 

I am often thankful for the seemingly simple things: he loads the dishwasher. He mows the grass. He often lets me complain just for the sake of complaining. 

But today, I was reminded of all the ways God made this man just for me. 

The truth is, I have been struggling with finding the right perspective lately. Seeing joy in the small things, in the sleepless nights and the poopy diapers. I have been finding myself too focused on the future, and all of its uncertainty, to be able to truly stop and thank God for the blessings He has already provided. 

And sweet husband called me out on it. 

After giving me a big hug, leaving love notes around the house, and telling me to go on to bed - at 9 pm- he asked me one question: 

Is there ever going to be a time where you are just thankful for him?

I was left speechless, and winded, almost as if he had hit me with a ton of bricks. 

Initially I was angry at him for questioning the overwheing love I have for my sweet Elam. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized his question wasn't completely unfounded. 

I can write flowery words on a page and I can tell anyone who asks how blessed we are to have him, and I truly feel that way, but within the walls our home and my heart, my selfish soul gets worried. 

Worried about his mental state. Worried about who he is going to be. Worried if he'll be happy. And worried if we will be happy. 

And the answer is:

Elam is going to be exactly who he is going to be. He will develop in his own way. He will do his own things. But he will only be happy, if we are happy. 

"Before I formed you in your mother's womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I chose you." Jeremiah 1:5

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares The Lord." Jeremiah 29:11

God has a plan for us, for Elam. He always has, and it is in all things we are to give thanks. As we choose not to forget all of the times we have seen His face ever so clearly and felt his arms wrap us in strength, let us be thankful. Thankful for this precious gift of life. For the sleepless nights and the poopy diapers. For these are signs of answered prayers. 

And it was Justin who helped me remember. 

So, here's to the man who takes crying babies from this frustrated momma. To a man who washes cloth diapers and remembers to hang dry the covers. He does Ellery's bedtime every. single. night.  and has never once complained about it. 

But more importantly, here's to a husband who isn't afraid to punch me in the gut (figuratively, of course) from time to time for the benefit of our family and our relationship with Christ. 

New Orleans and Us.

As we settle back into our routine, this week has been a whirlwind. I have been meaning to update the blog, but it has been one thing after another, making it hard to know where to start.

Sunday our family of four made our way to New Orleans. We went to church early and then took a couple hours to nap before taking our sweet Ellery to experience the aquarium for the first time. 

She called everything a goldfish and wanted to go "schwimmminnn" in every fish tank, so overall, I think she had a blast!

We spent the night at the Mizell's, the same precious place we stayed while we were waiting to bring our special little boy home from the hospital. 

Staying there brought back so many strong memories, as I took a few moments and relived some of the emotions I experienced in the early days. I became even more thankful for the time I have now with our Elam. Time to kiss him, and hold him as long as I like the night before surgery. 

We woke up at 5 AM to get ready to take our sweet boy for his third surgery. We applied lidocaine to his heels and ankles around 5:30 so the area would be numb before his tendon release procedure. 

The nurse came and took him from us right at 7 AM. They gave Ellery a paper castle and some stickers to decorate it with while we waited. Ellery entertained herself while watching Mickey Mouse, while I paced around the waiting area. 

Elam was only given local anesthesia, which was the lidocaine that we applied ourselves, for this I was thankful, but I also worried about him getting hungry, or crying his hysterical cry, the one where he forgets to breathe, on the operating table, and me not being there to comfort him. 

The nurse came out at 8, smiling and telling me he was in recovery and I could now go back to see him. 

His casts were red (to match his hair) and he was asleep. They said he did perfect through the surgery, and I kissed him as in quickly picked him up to hold him. We had to stay 30 minutes in recovery before we were allowed to leave. 

We spent the rest of the morning looking for bikes around New Orleans on Craigslist and taking Ellery to play at City Park. 

We made it home around 3 PM thankful that our next orthopedics appointment was scheduled for three weeks from now. 

Unfortunately, Wednesday morning I noticed Elam's little cast had started to slip already. The doctor had informed us that if it started to slip, even in the smallest amount, he needed to redo them, because the tendon would heal incorrectly.

So off to New Orleans I went for the second time in three days, to see doctors who know us well enough to be able schedule appointments around Elam's feeding schedule, while taking into account our 2 hour drive. This is awesome and unfortunate at the same time. It means we have been to see them far to many times in the past two months. 

Alas, we are back and praying his casts stay on for another 2 and a half weeks!

The Heart of Life is Good.

  As we journey through this life we are learning how little stuff actually matters and how much love does. Mothers, fathers, babies, sisters, brothers - and the love shared between - is what keeps us going, striving, and dwelling on the joy of life.

 As we love on our sweet babies today, we are remembering that the heart of life is good.