Thankful.

Today I want to revisit thankfulness.

Thankfulness in the sense that, even when things are going wrong (for what seems like constantly), we remember how much we have already been given. 

I am human, I am just like you. I sometimes ask the question, "why" and maybe feel a little sorry for myself. My husband has even seen me throw a hyperventilating fit from time to time. 

That's me.

It's crazy how we can so easily get sucked into the "but that's not what I had planned" phenomenon and use that as an excuse to just sit and wallow in our own self pity. 

But you know what? That's the easy way out. That's the way for the cowardly!

And I choose not to be a coward. 

I choose to trust that my plans aren't the best for me anyway, and whatever God has in store for our family will be far more fulfilling than the uneventful, perfectly polished picture I once had of our future. 

Thankful. Today I am thankful.

I am thankful for my husband who lets me hyperventilate. 

I am thankful for my (very close to) two year old, and her spunky, independent personality. 

And I am thankful for Elam and how he continuously shows me how to see past imperfection, and teaches me to embrace it. 

Things haven't been necessarily easy for us lately, in regards to Elam's health. A few weeks ago tests showed we needed to start cathing him four times a day. We half expected this, but it still stung our hearts a little. 

Since then, he has had several reactions to several things, a UTI, and a strabismus diagnosis. All of which, in the big scheme of things, and a few years down the road, don't mean much, but in the here and now, it is a little stressful. 

Although life is chaotic, we've got it pretty good. I choose to remember that today, and not take this time for granted. 

Ellery says...

Ellery and I like to make the time for daily dance sessions in our living room. I am not sure if you can really call it dancing, since we just jump up and down with our hands above our head. But nevertheless, we dance and have fun.

Today, while Elam had some tummy time, and Ellery and I were giving him entertainment, Ellery loudly proclaims, "S-op! Kiss Eyum bwake (break)!" And runs over to him to kiss him on the head. And then returns to dancing. 

She is only slightly obsessed with her little brother. 

Grace and second chances.

Last night, as I reached for the light switch to end the day, the anxious calling of Elam's wakefulness paused my intentions and guided me to his room.

As I stood over him, pondering the best course of action to help ease him back into sleep, a sense came over me urging me to cherish it - cherishing his need for me. 

So, in the soft glow of the nursery night light, my feet shuffled to keep rhythm with the sound machine and I let myself cherish our dance. The dance, as mothers, we are only given for a moment in time. 

As we swayed in the peacefulness, I was suddenly thankful for sleepless nights. Thankful for baby cries and their need for their mothers. 

My role as a mom is one I could never fully understand until I became one. The love and exhaustion that radiates from your every being is powerful. 

Powerful - and terrifying. Terrifying in a sense that this job of mothering is all about example. 

It is easy when toddlers are being angelic and infants are smiling - but when patience is all used up and grace ran out thirty minutes ago, my role becomes vital as little eyes are watching and copying every move. 

As time slips by, I am slowly learning to catch each moment that I can and enjoy the neediness. For in their need lies the opportunity to teach and to lead by example. 

As I teach Life to these sweet children, and strive to give grace and forgiveness, I am humbled by the example our Father set before us. Grace sufficient has been given to me, although I am far undeserving. Knowing that, shouldn't  I be able to see my own children's need for free and unmerited favor and fulfill it with patience and second chances?

It isn't always easy, but I believe it is something that is more important than my human brain can fully comprehend. Being able to lead my children with the example of gentleness and patience, giving them grace when there seems to be none left, is my prayer and the aching of my heart. 

Potty time!

We have clapped and praised and fully supported the dinosaur sticker manufacturer this week.

And I think our big girl has officially outgrown her title of 'Little'. 

Since Sunday evening, Ellery has been using the potty all on her own, and has only used diapers for nighttime! 

To give credit where it is due, she pretty much potty trained herself. For when I took her diaper off on Sunday, she just started using the potty, and hasn't stopped. 

She likes to show me what she's done.  She likes to cheer, "Yay! Eh-rey did it!". And she likes Dinosaur stickers!