Let me tell you a story. 

One day, a few months ago, I was at Ochsner, riding the elevator after one of Elam's many doctor appointments. It was raining and we had just heard some discouraging news. 

Elam was riding in the Ergo, snuggled closely to my chest, I kissed his forehead as the elevator descended downward. 

From over my shoulder an old man asked how old 'the cute little boy' was. And when I answered his first question, he then took the opportunity to ask about the braces Elam had on his feet. 

With 7 more floors to go, I mentioned he had spina bifida, clubbed feet, and lack of movement in his legs. 

I smiled, kissed Elam again, and reassured the stranger, "We couldnt possibly love him any more than we do, and we're learning life doesn't end with Spina bifida."

As I was finishing my story, the elevator came to a stop. 

When it opened, the old man nodded, again mentioning Elam's cuteness as he tipped his hat in farewell. 

After he exited the elevator, I then noticed stares from a women to my right. Stares I did not understand. She was with her teenage daughter. She hurried out, with her hand on the small of her daughter's back, encouraging her to move a little faster. 

She stopped just outside the elevator, making sure to keep me within earshot.  

Then she said,

'See, honey. That is why you take your prenatals, so kids like that don't happen. People like her shouldn't be allowed to have kids if they can't even take their vitamins.'

I'll let you think about that for a second. 

'...so kids like [Elam] don't happen.'

[ I shouldn't be allowed to have children.]

To this day, my heart hurts when I tell this story. It hurts for Elam, it hurts for me, and it really hurts for people who judge without knowing someone's details. 

This woman judged me on something she knew nothing about. She determined I was unfit for motherhood because of the physical disabilities of my child.  

I challenge you to realize we all have our details that others may not know about. 

It is easy to judge when you think it is something that couldn't happen to you. 

It is easy to judge when you think you take every precaution to 'do everything right'. 

Sometimes, it is just easy to judge. 

But we need to stop.

We need to stop belittling others in this journey that isn't always easy. 

We need to love. Love despite mistakes, love because of mistakes, love because none of us are perfect. 

Let's just love. 

Is your advice graceful?

I reach for the milk in the refrigerated section of the grocery store. I look down, kiss Elam on the forehead as I turn to place the milk in the cart.

Elam is happy to be riding chest to chest in the Ergo, smiling and babbling at me. He's wearing a jumper, with his legs completely exposed to the air. It is 80 degrees outside and humid here in Mississippi, so he's not wearing socks. 

As I turn the shopping cart towards the produce section, checking my list to see what else I need, I hear, "Isn't your baby cold? He should be wearing socks! Shame on you!" 

Looking over my shoulder, not believing what my ears just heard, I see an older lady still semi-shaking her finger at me. 

My immediate response was to smile and say, "No, He's fine and happy, thanks though."

She scoffs and walks away. 

I stand there for a couple of seconds, looking around to see if anyone else witnessed this. 

I proceeded to get the rest of my things, and head home, but couldn't shake what just happened. 

I am usually pretty good at letting unwanted advice go in one ear and out the other. I am experienced enough as a mother to know that the decisions I make are made to benefit my family in the best way possible. 

But this.

This shame placed on me because someone doesn't know our story, doesn't know my reasoning, really bothered me. 

What this lady doesn't know is: Elam spends most days in braces. He sleeps in braces. Our morning out of the house was a good opportunity to let his feet air out. 

What this lady doesn't know is: we avoid wearing braces to the grocery store to avoid unwanted looks and questions about Elam's feet. 

What this lady doesn't know is: her comment hurt more than she will ever know. It brought up the fear in my heart that I try to suppress about Elam's future. About judgemental eyes, not caring about the whole story and picture. About the stigma that will come along with Elam's handicap. 

This journey with Elam has given me a perspective that I failed to have before him. A perspective that keeps me trying my best to avoid judging others. 

You see, we all have our stories. We all have our problems and reasons. Although our hardships may look different, we are all just trying to make it. 

So, before you judge me because of my sockless child, please try to see my love for him, and how it dictates my every action. 

When you see my son, try not to judge him because he was born with a hole in his back and your body happens to work better than his. Instead, see his smile and the beautiful light that shines from it. 

And when I see you, I will look for the good, too. I will try and look past your bad attitude, giving you the benefit of the doubt, assuming life isn't going quite you expected it to today. 

This is important. 

Not just to me, not just for Elam, but for us all. 

We all need grace to be an action. 

Maybe we need our advice to be rationed to 'when asked for only.' Remembering that we never know when our piece of advice just might dig deeper than we could ever expect it to. 

Let's remember not to stare at someone who looks different from you - and not judge just because someone acts a little different, too. 

Remember there's a story behind it all. God's grace covers us, let our grace cover them.