It matters.

Yesterday Justin reminded me that I had a blog. He also mentioned that I should probably update it more often.

Oops.

And with that casual conversation, I found myself in some sort of deep reflection in regards to the words I write on this personal-anything goes- space. I have pushed the blog to the back burner not actually realizing why, until Justin brought it up.

I think I'm scared. 

I think I am afraid to write the words that are truly in my heart, because subconsciously, I am fearful of other's judgement. I am afraid that it's not okay to be so okay with everything. And then, on the other hand, I am terrified that if I find myself in a slump, and fail to be as positive as I'm trying, then I'll let everyone down.

Then the husband, who always has a good way of snapping me back into reality, quotes a good ol' kid favorite: Dr. Seuss!

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

And with that, it all kind of fell back into perspective.

This is our journey through something that is difficult - something we would  have never dreamed of experiencing. This is our daily life and my special place to write my thoughts, and feelings, and to hold all of these sweet, sweet memories that I never want to forget. 

And this journey - the right now of this journey - I don't want to forget this. The good, the bad, and the every other week ultrasounds that seem to reveal something new that could potentially go wrong. I don't want to forget it.

For this is how the Lord is working through me. 

I look back and read posts from Ellery's pregnancy. I read pages of hopes and dreams and sweet love that I poured everything into. I want that for Little Brother, too. I want him to know that he is loved, oh so loved, despite any struggle he might face, we have loved him from the beginning.

So, I am going to try to start not just updating on what's going on medically with us, but also, what's going on internally, within my very much jumbled head and quite emotional heart. I want to have a reminder - for I believe reminders allow us to look back and see how God was working, even when we might not feel it.

We have a peace that has surrounded us for quite a while now - and I know that is only because of the power of prayer.  Naturally, I am not a rational person. I am not a peaceful person, especially when it comes to stressful situations. I worry. I over-analyze. I throw pity-parties.

Although I have been in a constant state of research since our diagnosis, I am not worried. I am not over-analyzing it. I am not sitting behind this computer screen throwing a pity-party. For I know, 'in all things, God works for the good of those who love him (!)' [Romans 8:28]

And we love the Lord, and know good things are coming. Good things are happening. Little Brother may have multiple surgeries and a few set backs - but the Lord is good, even in our struggles!

Please pray with us for continued peace. Pray for the will of God to be openly accepted in our lives and for us to use it to shine His glory all around us. I pray that when good things happen that we not forget that He has brought us through difficulty so that we may use it to glorify Him.


(We do have a new, exciting to us, but to you it might not make much difference, medical-related update, but I will write it out in the next post!)