Two years ago.

Today hasn't been special.

At least to anyone looking from the outside in.

Today has been one of the mundane, get the housework done, donate a few things here, throw away a few things there.

Lunch from leftovers.

Naps for the kids.

A little whining. A little laughing. A whole lot of contentment. 

Like I said, nothing special.

Except today. Today is life changing for us.

Two years ago, which is hard for me to truly believe, was a fundamentally life changing day for, with prayers and thankfulness, our now family of four.

You see, two years ago, we found out first hand how incredibly fragile life is. We found out that even when you take every precaution in the world, do all of the research, and pray for healthy, some things are just out of our hands.

Two years ago, we were told we were having a son - and he would not live.

There are no flowery words to describe it. No dressing it up or wrapping it in pretty packaging.

It was excruciating. It was terrifying. It was all consuming to the point that breathing literally hurt. 

In midst of the storm, it was ugly. 

But how beautiful the aftermath is. 

Today, there have been things that weren't there on this day two years ago.

There have been laughs!

There has been joy.

There has been sibling love and playfulness.

Today, we are thankful that hugs can help our tears and that kisses can cure our hurt. 

This day two years ago changed our perspective. Our perspective on many things, but mainly our perspective on joy.  

Although the memories are still vivid and the pain can still be felt - we find beauty in them because we know how much joy we could have missed. 

Tonight, in honor of Elam, we celebrated with our favorite local pizza and a scoop of ice cream from the fudge shop downtown. As the sun was setting and Elam was pointing out every bird that flew near, I felt peace. 

Peace, perfect, whole. 

This is where I'm supposed be. This is what I'm supposed to be doing. 

This.

 Elam's mom. Ellery's mom. Justin's wife. 

Oh the joy that we would have missed. 

We are thankful for the hard days because it is only through them that we find unmistakable joy