Becoming.

Children and mothers never truly part, bound in the beating of each other's heart.  

- Charlotte Gray

 I am blessed beyond measure to be a mom.  It is essentially impossible to describe how every ounce of my being has transformed into something so maternal and so magical all in such a short amount of time.  This experience, being completely depended upon, being needed so intimately, is more rewarding, more humbling, and more humanizing than anyone who hasn't experienced it, can possibly imagine. The emotion that surrounds my inner most soul can hardly be condensed into a single word, and the only one that seems fractionally relevant to what I am feeling is 'love,' but even that seems far too inferior.

As life with an infant gets easier by the minute, I can see why people look back at this time and suddenly want to do it all over again. Yes, babies are time consuming. They require you to set aside yourself and focus solely on them for this brief moment in time. They are hard work, but would it be as fun if they weren't? With every new development, as a mother, a sense of pride surrounds you, captivates you, and makes you feel like, "well, hey, maybe I will eventually get the hang of this parenting thing!"

As my Little sits propped up beside me, blowing bubbles and staring intently at her moving little feet, I am mesmerized by every inch of her body. Her movements are choppy, she is so needy, yet her strength amazes me.  Her soft skin and powerful eyes remind me of her innocence. She is canvas waiting to be painted. Her future, morals, and self-confidence will be shaped by the messages we provide to her in childhood. It's a scary concept; the foundation for the rest of her life begins with us.

Mommy-ing is not for the weak at heart. It takes courage and patience beyond measure. In the beginning, all of the sleepless nights accompanied by an aching body leave you craving just a few moments alone. Your desire becomes a moment of eye closing rest where you aren't required to care for anyone but yourself, until your eyes actually close and all you see is her. Her face. Her body. Her eyes sparkling with excitement. Your heart overtakes your pain and reminds you of the love you hold in your heart for this precious being.  Everything is suddenly worth it. That's becoming a mommy. Sacrificing constantly, and loving every minute of it.